In the Spirit of Janus

New Year's Eve is a notorious day in my family. Over the years, I've encountered breakups, bad health news, stomach flu, and various family dramas. I've also had some years where the comedy of the situation outweighed the disappointment at not having the exciting night I'd planned. Anyway, the day after one of the hardest New Year's Eves, I purchased a book called The Awe-manac. It's this crazy book of journal prompts, wacky holidays, and inspirations. I might have mentioned it in a previous entry, I can't remember. But each month has an "Entryway" section, which lists general interesting facts about the month. For January, the book mentions that the month is named for the Roman god, Janus. He was the protector of gates and doorways. And I thought he'd be a perfect topic for this first entry of 2013.

Janus is depicted with two faces: one looks back to the past and one looks into the future. What a great way to enter into a new year. Now, I don't think Janus is looking into the past in a melancholy, wistful way. I think he looks into the past to remember it and recognize what has brought one to the present. And he looks to the future to see what yesterday's experiences may give birth to.

This is particularly resonant for me right now. Last year, while at first glance seemed really difficult, did bring a lot of progress in my life. I have been in Chicago just over a year now. That move brought a job where I have been able to be a kid three days a week. Spending that much time with a toddler makes you look at the world differently. And it prevents you from taking yourself too seriously, at least until you get back home again. It has meant silly songs and messy meals and my favorite-naps. Not my own, but hers. There is nothing quite like a little person falling asleep on you. The past year also brought progress in my health situation, which is mentioned in a previous post. I finally found a doctor I like and a hospital that provides excellent patient financial assistance. I got insured, which is an unfortunate expense, but a saving grace at the same time. I've had a year of sister time and parent time that was not possible when I was so far away. I came to the realization that I want to go back to school so that I can move toward a career that is meaningful, both to myself and my community. I met new friends and discovered new favorite places. If I've got Janus's view, the past year should provide good soil for this new one.

I'm moving into 2013-which, containing my favorite number, should be MY year-with lots of faith that some of the struggles I've wrestled with are going to produce blessings I haven't even imagined. There will be days when this declaration of faith will be forgotten. Hard moments with arise and I'll falter. But then I'll pick up The Awe-manac and realize it's Cat Appreciation Day and things will seem bright again. I hope the same for you, too.

Thanks for reading and Happy 2013!