Busy Bee Me
I am not used to being busy. I spent four years mostly sick to death of my own company. I'm in Chicago less than four months and I can barely even think about making extra plans with friends. It's weird. It's not entirely unwelcome...but it's weird. Here's what makes it even weirder: I only work three days of every week. Yet I'm busy enough that when I think, "Gee, I should call so-and-so up and see about getting together," I have to actually pull up my Google calendar to see what month that will fit in. That's a small exaggeration. But only a small one. Sometimes it's only a matter of a week or two before I could fit in drinks. But I do actually have to open the calendar to check.
Part of the issue is that I do have free time, but it's on Mondays and Fridays when all normal people are working. Then there are the auditions that I try to schedule as frequently as possible. Hey, after so many years not doing any acting (aside from pretending not to be crazy annoyed by dumb requests/complaints at whatever job I was wading through), I need to get back in the game and stretch those muscles as much as possible. Plus, the more I do the less I suck at it. :)
All evidence points to this move being - so far - a colossal success for me.
But.
It's always there, isn't it? A little but, lurking in the background. (You should have at least chuckled at that a little, probably.) The but is: I still have days where I see something about LA or California and the missing of it sucks my breath out. It aches like a break-up. I'm going along, happy with my busy new creatively-focused life and all of a sudden I'm frozen, wondering what I could have been thinking to leave such a beautiful place.
It is beautiful. If you've ever been to any part of California, you know it can take your breath away. My smart parts know that I'm better off here. I could not do what I needed to do to be me while I was there. But I still miss things. I just need to get to the point where I immediately think, "Hey, that's a good thing that I miss that time. It means I did things worth missing." Because in the thick of those tough spots - and LA had more than it's share of those - it's hard to not feel like you've wasted precious time on the wrong things.
But life should be lived more than planned. It should be messy. It's more interesting that way. And you have to make mistakes to learn from them. You have to be down so you figure out what up even is. The preacher at church said that this past week and I wrote it down. I had to have too much alone time so that I'd have the energy to enjoy being busy. And I am enjoying it. As long as I can squeeze in a nap here and there. :)
Part of the issue is that I do have free time, but it's on Mondays and Fridays when all normal people are working. Then there are the auditions that I try to schedule as frequently as possible. Hey, after so many years not doing any acting (aside from pretending not to be crazy annoyed by dumb requests/complaints at whatever job I was wading through), I need to get back in the game and stretch those muscles as much as possible. Plus, the more I do the less I suck at it. :)
All evidence points to this move being - so far - a colossal success for me.
But.
It's always there, isn't it? A little but, lurking in the background. (You should have at least chuckled at that a little, probably.) The but is: I still have days where I see something about LA or California and the missing of it sucks my breath out. It aches like a break-up. I'm going along, happy with my busy new creatively-focused life and all of a sudden I'm frozen, wondering what I could have been thinking to leave such a beautiful place.
It is beautiful. If you've ever been to any part of California, you know it can take your breath away. My smart parts know that I'm better off here. I could not do what I needed to do to be me while I was there. But I still miss things. I just need to get to the point where I immediately think, "Hey, that's a good thing that I miss that time. It means I did things worth missing." Because in the thick of those tough spots - and LA had more than it's share of those - it's hard to not feel like you've wasted precious time on the wrong things.
But life should be lived more than planned. It should be messy. It's more interesting that way. And you have to make mistakes to learn from them. You have to be down so you figure out what up even is. The preacher at church said that this past week and I wrote it down. I had to have too much alone time so that I'd have the energy to enjoy being busy. And I am enjoying it. As long as I can squeeze in a nap here and there. :)
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